Hi all
It's one of those Blue Days for me and nothing worked. People ( there are a few..) at the other end of fone line , well will they . wont they so why bother...
What am I supposed to do ? Count my blessings. There are some real gems destiny has handed out to me ;One of course is my son,my darling. For him I can do anything ..even my life means nothing when it comes to him. he is a innocent , still so much a baby..
That's why I feel why i repent ..if it is all for him and for his sake them why
suffer in silence about things i have accepted for him. well the suffocation of my marriage , the emptiness and the horror . I really dont want to spill it out and all that .. actually i am seeking to come to terms and find a deeper meaning in all this and emerge a victor on top of it all
see it as how i turned a minus in to a plus but really i am pushing it too hard
in the end i conclude as many times i need to accept, forgive, heal, grow and be stronger
not by suppressing but by facing
watch my emotions as they whirl past
Is there not another way out a stronger way
more confident and a way more acceptable way in which my son can have a father and
i my dignity
may as days have passed my memory played tricks with me
may be i just forgot all the horror unleased by him and his family
on me and my family basically to seek divorce
and now may be as the devil has changed colours and trying to be a make do father
i too started seeking a husband ...........in him
which of course was not to be
it's not that he is beating me
perhaps that would be so much neater
it's so much messy so much shrouded in enigma and wrapped in mystry for me
but to plain objective eye he is perennially discounting me, unleasing a series of toxicity by getting into the fabric of my life
and discounting all of me ,my thoughts , my likes , my ways
as if whole of me is a big mistake
what's worse as compromise sake i buy into that
and seek to set it right which of course never happens because it is a ploy
to keep me in place
the ultimate question i ask myself
why am i taking this all
so i decide to stop making those mistakes and start a new chapter at present in the same settings
